Perfection Pending

To have faith is constantly to expect the joyous, the happy, the good… You are, in some measure, always suffering- hence the task lies right here: Divert your mind, accustom yourself by faith to changing suffering into expectation of the joyous.”
- Kierkegaard, Letter 167 in his journals

This is very appropriate advice- and something I really need to hear right now. I have spent the past week stressing out, suffering needlessly because I just couldn’t decide what to do.
No, that isn’t entirely true. I think it’s more accurate to say that this suffering was self-inflicted because I know what I have to do but I am too much of a coward to do it. My rational, responsible side demands a worthy explanation. I need an excuse. Something that can assure my ego that I am not a flake. I am committed. But if that were true, why would I be trying to convince myself?
So here it is: I am moving. There are no “ifs” about it. I am still stressing over the details. I promised myself I would pursue every possibility. I’m an INTJ- contingency plans are my forte, after all. But the truth is- I’ve applied to a dozen jobs out of state and only sent 1 e-mail inquiring about a room for rent in Utah. What are the odds…??
And today, I got an e-mail back from my case manager in Seattle. Ok, I don’t know if case manager is her real title. More like “lady who hooks me up with a job”. I won’t jump to any conclusions- after all, applying for a job doesn’t guarantee I’ll get it- but the reality of my decision hit even harder when I read her e-mail. It occurred to me that this really could happen… I could move back to Seattle. Or anywhere, really. I applied for jobs all over the west coast (I’m a bit biased).
At the same time, I finally found a ward that seems to welcome me. Talk about great timing…

The INTJ community on LJ has recently discussed MBTI and politics. Turns out, HRC is an INTJ. (Enough acronyms for ya?)

Learning that Clinton was a fellow Mastermind didn’t sway me any more than the fact that she’s a woman. It does make sense though. Now I see why it’s easy to peg her as “cold” or even “robotic”… though wait- does that mean people could view me the same way? Hmm.

Both Bill and Hillary Clinton took the test- Bill turned out to be an ENFP. Obama was harder to read. MBTI professionals pegged him as INFP, though the I part is debatable. I personally see him more as an ENFP, like Bill. Either way, it makes more sense why I’m more open to his rhetoric. His personality type is a perfect compliment to mine. But… so is Bill’s, and I don’t like him at all. Of course, Bill’s history doesn’t help…

Anyway, here’s the article:
Type and Politics: Election 2008

Sadly, I am not. But I did find my type’s description (INTJ) entertaining- and true:

The INTJ sees life as a problem to be solved. For that reason, the INTJ is the person a company brings in from the outside to streamline production processes and identify redundant assets for termination. The INTJ’s combination of analyticial problem-solving skills and complete and utter disregard for the morality or consequences of his actions also make him ideal for the job of hatchet man, CIA operative, and helpdesk operator.

RECREATION: INTJs are often baffled by the strange and incomprehensible recreational rituals of other people, such as going to parties, watching television, and having sex. Instead, they prefer to spend their leisure time installing twin missile launchers in their cars to deter tailgaters and playing chess with megalomaniac CEOs of the Tyrell corporation.

COMPATIBILITY: Silly person, INTJs don’t have relationships! They may, however build their own friends.

To find out if you’re an evil overlord, click here. (Warning: you will need to know your type first. If you don’t, click here.)

Sorry to disappoint, but this post isn’t about M… or is it?

A recent comment was made about me equating sexuality with lust- and looking at previous posts, I can see how the inference was made. There is some truth to it. But there is more to this than sex.

Homosexuality, as “deviant” as it may be, is relatively easy to grasp… It’s basically an attraction (romantic and sexual) to the same sex. Bisexuality is an open forum- both men and women arouse interest…

… Asexuality- well, that’s where things get complicated.

My recent association with an SSA support group has opened my eyes to the “homosexual condition” - Homosexuality isn’t all about sex either. Neither is heterosexuality, actually. At the root, these orientations reflect how- and to whom- we naturally feel affection.

If homosexuals feel affection for the same sex and heteros for the opposite, the deduction is pretty simple: asexuals are naturally more interested in themselves. And boy, don’t we love to talk about it!

This is what worries me, because I am definitely guilty of this. My temperament is the most independent of all types, so I’ve got a double dose of selfishness… yikes!

If you look beyond the physical- take away the exchange of bodily fluids and all that crap- sex is about intimacy. It’s a way to draw closer to someone you love. So I guess, in that sense, I shouldn’t be surprised that some asexuals masturbate. It’s funny- actually, reading their accounts of it, masturbation is the opposite of stimulating. Some find it so calming that they fall asleep!

I just joined the gym. Finally. And, in typical INTJ fashion, I am doing a lot of research on all things health related… which led me to this interesting article:
NY Times’ The Claim: Stretching Can Prevent Soreness and Injury.

I’ll admit: even I was duped by this claim. But in every study they cited, the results came out negative. Stretching before you exercise doesn’t help prevent soreness after all. Instead, the article suggests a low-key warm-up, like walking.

This is good news for me- I’d prefer going straight to the treadmill anyway!