Perfection Pending

That voice: everyone has it, to some extent. It loves to whisper things like “Nobody likes you. You’ll never be good enough. You’re too ugly/stupid/whatever.” Do you choose to believe it or do you fight back? I guess it depends on the state of mind you’re in to begin with- and if you can even find an argument against it.

I have definitely let that little voice tear away little chunks of my friendships in the past. And ironically enough, it seems like the voice only tells me that my closest friends don’t really care. As absurd as that argument may be, it leads me to act in ways that could make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Part of my problem, I fear, is that the line between romantic and platonic friendship is somewhat blurred. On an emotional level, my expectations for close friends can be similar to the expectations a “normal” hetero/homosexual would have towards a significant other. As much as I may want it, though, I realize that it’s unrealistic.

I made a very brief appearance at my old friend’s wedding reception on Friday. She wanted me to attend the sealing, but I told her I couldn’t because my recommend expired. True, but of course, not the REAL reason I wouldn’t go… Honestly, I know our relationship will never be the same. I’ll always care about her in a removed, obligatory-old-friend sort of way. But I can’t reclaim the closeness we once had. This time, the voice won.