Written by Kimmerly | Posted under opinions & spiritual

Last night, I read an opinion article in BYU-I’s newspaper as I waited for Brian to finish work. The article addressed newly married women and the sacred responsibility of bringing children into this world. If you know anything about the Mormon culture (especially in Rexburg), the writer’s stance should come as no surprise. But this writer went beyond merely emphasizing the importance of marriage and motherhood– the bulk of this article made a strong statement in support of having babies immediately after getting married. The writer made her stance very clear when she quoted President Spencer W. Kimball:
It is an act of extreme selfishness for a married couple to refuse to have children when they are able to do so.
Now, to make it clear, official church doctrine does not prohibit birth control, and prophets have repeatedly told us that “The decision of how many children to have and when to have them is a private matter for the husband and wife.” (lds.org)
I do not find fault with the counsel given by church leaders, but I very much disagree with the way the Mormon culture here misinterprets the doctrines. There is SO much pressure to get married and make babies here. The dropout rate among women here is staggering – and justified? Generally speaking, I find this unsettling. But I understand that education is a personal choice, so I have to respect that…
I also understand that bearing children is a very sacred, personal choice. One should not feel pressured into this lifelong calling – it is something to be considered strictly between man and wife. Everyone outside that should respect this too.
It is strange to think that I’m in a position where I could take this so personally. Until last year, I had a hard time imagining even getting married, let alone having children. The reality of this opportunity has yet to fully sink in, honestly. For the most part, it feels like my husband and I are just best friends who happen to share the same bed. The topic of parenting comes up on occasion, but always in the hypothetical. It’s the same as talking of the future day when we will build a house with a movie theater in it.
Someday I will be a mother, but that day is not now. I am not being selfish by postponing motherhood, and I should not have to feel pressured into this lifelong calling by an over-zealous culture. I strongly believe it is better to lay a strong foundation for a family now, rather than rushing into parenthood prematurely. Having health insurance wouldn’t hurt either…