Defying the “norm”

I’ve meant to mention this in the past, but for some reason forgot…

When I began my first (and only) long-term relationship, I was impressed by how nonchalant my boyfriend was about my asexuality. I made no effort to disguise it- and we’ve had several talks about it over the months. I was very blunt about it. There were a few times when his response surprised me, and led me to re-examine my own perception of sex and culture.
Take, for instance, the time I shared a quote I’d found on AVEN - something like “I don’t struggle with sex before marriage- it’s sex after marriage that bothers me.” It started as a joke, but then I confessed how I never looked forward to “consummating” my marriage, and how much it bothered me to think that our culture made it seem like I had to have sex on my wedding night. Overall, he’s a bit more traditional, so I was doubly surprised when he (basically) replied, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Who cares what our culture says is “normal” anyway?”

It took me a while to accept the fact that he really meant it when he said I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to… At first, I challenged him, asking “Do you even REALIZE what you’re saying?” or “What if I NEVER want to?” What’s really thrown me off is when he says that he’d rather not talk about it so much because he doesn’t want it to be a major focus in our relationship… Ha!
I remember quite clearly how much I hated the idea of dating because I felt like I’d be pressured into physical affection- but now that I’m in a relationship, I have to laugh at myself… What was the big deal, really? Just as long as you find someone who genuinely cares, these little “issues” really are just that.

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Published:
02.22.09 / 8pm
Category:
asexuality, relationships