Emotional Intimacy 101

The word “intimate”, as a verb, means “to make known” - and I think it’s pretty universal for humans to seek out that sort of validation- feeling like someone knows them and can love them anyway. Or, better yet, love them because - without condition.

Intimacy does not require romance. Nor does it require sex. The intimacy of a conversation with a close friend can be just as meaningful for one as a night of romance may be for another. They’re just different ways of expressing that same thing - this longing for a connection. Intimacy can take many forms: emotional, physical, spiritual. For this post, however, I’d like to look at emotional intimacy.

Emotional intimacy is important in all relationships, but I’d say that asexuals have a unique opportunity- we can bring it the recognition it deserves and learn how to use it to empower our relationships.

I’m afraid that many asexuals - and people, in general - become their own greatest obstacles to true intimacy and love. We become so focused on why others couldn’t love us, that we forget to look for ways we can help others feel loved. That’s the first step- you need to break down the wall and look outside yourself. You might be surprised at what you see.

I was quite surprised to discover how vulnerable others were when I finally stopped focusing on my own vulnerabilities. And, oddly enough, I discovered that by helping others feel validated and loved, I started to feel the same way about myself.

Once you convince a person they are loved, it’s amazing what sorta crap you can get away with…

Ok, but seriously, instead of playing “woe is me” all day long, be proactive and become the warrior of others’ woes. Try it out, if you can - find someone who you think could use a little loving, then find ways to make it happen. Be an emotional cheerleader. The intimacy that can develop from mutually supportive relationships is a beautiful, miraculous thing.