Duty or desire?

I’ve had my share of unpleasant experiences in life. Take, for instance, the late night emergency visit where I had to get my stomach pumped… NOT my idea of a fun night. But I tend to be a tough cookie, and I don’t see the point in complaining through bad episodes like that. I put on a brave face and hope it ends soon.

That’s sort of how I’ve looked at sex. Unpleasant as it may seem, I figured it was something I would have to endure for other reasons (like pleasing my partner, or starting a family). I have never watched a love scene on TV or in the movies and thought, “Wow. That looks like FUN!” I always saw it as a duty, not a desire.

Maintaining this sort of attitude might work when you face an unpleasant experience alone, but things get tricky when you have another person’s feelings to consider. Simply appeasing your partner out of duty may not work as well. As I’ve drawn closer to feeling that pressure on a personal level, I am starting to feel more stress about “performing” when desire doesn’t come into play.

I don’t see any reason why you should give up on a relationship just because you aren’t compatible 100% of the time. No two people will always be on the same level. Relationships require communication and compromise, right?

I suppose it is possible that I could learn to desire something I find unpleasant right now… like learning to enjoy that tube being jabbed down my throat… oh yeah… but for now, I feel like the best I could do is to put on a brave face and hope it ends.

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Published:
01.28.09 / 8pm
Category:
are you like this?, asexuality