1. AVENguy 12.31.08 / 2pm

   Oh Oh! I know this feeling! That’s the “wall” I was talking about earlier, the point at which things get exponentially more fun for sexual people and exponentially less fun for us. It’s a tricky area, but one that can get worked with.

   Healthy physicality thrives on feedback, it’s a collaborative creative thing. Both people have fun when both people are making the other person have fun. That means that if you stop having fun eventually he’ll stop having fun, even if what’s going on is more sexual.

   The trick in my experience is to find areas that both of you enjoy and focus on exploring them. This can be a little disorienting for sexual people who have an idea of a particular script, but in the end it’s way less stressful for all parties involved.
2. queerunity 12.31.08 / 5pm

   Nature or nurture one should be the way they want, 90% of sex is in the head anyways, so I don’t think you can call sexuality a mental thing anymore than asexuality.
3. theimpossiblek 12.31.08 / 8pm

   Thanks, AVENguy! It didn’t occur to me that this was the wall so many asexuals hit, but it makes much more sense now… I’m actually feeling like the one who has to move away from that script more than anything. My preconceived notions of intimacy in relationships doesn’t work with how I really feel, so I am finding that I really do have to create my own script. It’s a bit of a challenge, but my initial anxiety is always relieved when I finally do communicate my hesitations.

   Queerunity- If sex is 90% in the head, isn’t it mental? And by extension, the lack of desire a mental thing too? I don’t mean to imply it’s a psychological disfunction by any means, just a slight deviation from the norm.
4. Ily 01.02.09 / 12am

   That’s a really hard question. Because the body’s controlled by the mind, but then the body also takes in the environment and sends signals to the mind.
   I think part of my brain chemistry probably makes me asexual, but that’s different from the “mind”, ie, my thoughts.
5. edgeofeverywhere 01.02.09 / 7pm

   I definitely know that feeling of detachment and emptiness as things progress past a certain point. Most people wouldn’t understand how I could feel that way with someone I like, trust, feel comfortable around and am attracted to in my own way, and if the person I’m with can’t understand or accept that, there’s no way I can be comfortable making the compromises I thought I might be willing to make. I’m starting to wonder if I would be willing to make those compromises even if he did understand and work with me.
6. asexualgal 04.03.09 / 7am

   Heh, I understand what you mean.

   I think, as a fellow asexual, it is in many ways physiological.

   I too have a loving boyfriend who respects my asexuality greatly and goes to extreme efforts to make me feel comfortable, and we’ve been dating over a year now!

   I have also gone to great efforts to give to him, physically, as much as I am capable of physically and morally, because seeing him go wild is addictively great.

   But the sad truth is, when he kisses my neck, it does nothing. I still haven’t go the heart to tell him- I in fact sort of fake it a lot of the time. It does nothing. I am not aroused. I might like it if he does it right, but its more of a warm, fuzzy type feeling of feeling special. It has no sexual connotations. Same with my ear, same with my back, same with my legs, all of the supposed erogenous zones (outside of genitals, since we haven’t gone there) when kissed, careesed, kicked etc feel nice and good and enjoyable, but there is no sexual stimulation.

   Realizing this was actually sort of disturbing, and makes me wonder if I am actually capable of sex when it comes to it? Can I actually perform? I have no clue now. I just skip along, not wanting the day to come!

Powered by Hemingway flavored Wordpress and modified by Fen.

Entries RSS Comments RSS