Unique, just like everyone else

A lot has changed since my last post. I’m now nearly two months into my marriage, and in some ways I feel like a totally new person. My experiences have drastically changed the perceptions I had a year ago, yet I don’t feel much wiser.Work has kept me busy, along with the totally new lifestyle I lead. It’s kinda strange, in a very comforting way, to come home to someone nearly every day, to literally share everything and feel like I have more than what I started with. The only time I can compare that feeling to is when I volunteered at a children’s hospital. I sacrificed so much just to get there every week, didn’t have anything tangible to show for it, but felt better leaving than when I first came. Strange how that works.I’m generally a very stubborn person. A year ago, I was so completely convinced that I would never get married, never want to because I could never desire to “consummate” it the way everyone else did. I was so thoroughly convinced that I was different. I was unique. I took great pride in that.But the past couple months have been humbling, in that way. I’ve since learned that (a) marriage is, in fact, quite awesome and (b) I’m not as unique as I thought. At least, not in that way. My identity has essentially been burned and a new one has risen from the ashes. I’m not who I was. But I don’t feel bad about it in the least. I quite enjoy this new “self” even if it’s hard to part with my old paradigms. I guess what I’m trying to say here is, be yourself, but don’t be afraid to explore. Don’t get so thoroughly entrenched in the way you see the world now that you close yourself up to new possibilities. You just might surprise yourself, and find far more happiness in the process.

Waiting for the sexual shoe to drop

On the off chance I haven’t been completely forgotten in the asexual blogosphere, I decided to post a few thoughts that I’ve had recently.

First thought:

It’s been eight months, and I’m still “waiting for the sexual shoe to drop”, so to speak. I’ve surprised myself in many ways- and I really do enjoy many aspects of affection. (Nonsexual intimacy is fantabulous IMO) I don’t know whether it’s just me being naturally oblivious or what, but I still don’t quite understand how all those fabulous forms of affection can somehow lead to sex.

That said, I’ve quasi-committed myself to being open in the future. Although I still feel borderline averse/indifferent, my desire to make my fiance happy might just be strong enough to override that. I suppose only time will tell…

Second thought:

Where do you draw the line between sexual and nonsexual intimacy anyway? Is it all subjective? I mean, I could very well engage in some hard core cuddling with no intention of going further- but isn’t it possible that my partner could interpret it as sexual intimacy? Are asexuals the only ones who’ve really thought about this distinction? Or need it?

Final thought:

I feel bad I haven’t updated this in so long, but my life in genuinely CRAZY busy now… and I bet it will be even more so as the wedding date grows closer. (For those keeping track, it’s August 22nd). I really want to keep this going though, because I would love to share my future thoughts as a married asexual.

So in short… I may not post as often as I’d like, but please don’t forget about me!